Immortalize His Love
by LovelyFarron
Summary: She shouldn't have thanked him. It should have been him thanking her, it should have been him telling her that she saved him from the abyss, had called him up out of the depths of despair. All he had wanted to do was repay her for her cheerfulness, for her goodness, and he had failed.


Game: Final Fantasy XIII-2

Pairing: Noel/Serah

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: T

Immortalize His Love

She had saved him. He had been sent to protect her, and in many ways he had, but in the end…it had been her that had saved him. Not protected, _saved_. There was a difference between the two after all. He had wanted to do both. But he had failed.

Tears were burning in his brilliant crystal blue eyes, his teeth clenched together as agony caused his throat to constrict painfully. It felt as if a thousand tiny daggers were tearing into his heart, ripping it mercilessly apart with their steel fury. The feelings of helplessness and despair pressed down on him heavily, forcefully even. It was as if the goddess herself was there behind him, gazing down on him with a heart full of disappointment and sadness and he could not bear it.

He had been struggling when he'd met her, the pain from Yeul's passing still fresh within him, the anguish of his shortcomings and weaknesses burning hotly within him in an all-consuming manner, but she had pulled him of it and into a new world, a world full of hope and second chances. He had been torn between wanting to give up and wanting to live; he hadn't been sure of anything in the world anymore and he had been lost, alone, and confused.

He had prayed for a miracle, for a chance to change his fate. He had begged even, cried out in frustration and fear, desperate to know if death was all there was to life.

He had been given that second chance by divine intervention; his prayers and pleadings had not been unheard. He'd been given a gift, granted that miracle that he had so desired. Time was finally his to correct, time was finally on his side. Or so he had thought.

Forcing himself to breathe, he gazed down onto her pale face, absentmindedly running one of his calloused fingers through her hair, only then to trace down the soft edge of her face. She was cold, so, so cold.

His hand became a fist and his closed his eyes tightly, fighting back the tears again. Once she had been warm, the bright colors in his dull and dying world, the moon in his endless night, the sun in his dark sky. But all that was gone, taken from her cruelly by the blessing bestowed upon her by the goddess.

_Blessing…more like curse._

His eyes flew open in shock, his thoughts momentarily distracted from the lifeless body in his arms, alarmed at his train of thought. He sounded like…Caius.

Something like anger and rage flashed through him then, and for the first time he hated his former master. If Caius hadn't been so blind, hadn't been so arrogant in his way of thinking, hadn't been so dead set on destroying all that Yeul wanted…none of this would have ever happened. Not a single thing. Lightning wouldn't have vanished and left her alone with only her dreams to keep her comfort, Snow wouldn't have gone out to find her and left her even more alone than she had been before, Cocoon might not have fallen, Yeul would not have had to suffer all those futures…In short, the ever-changing timeline had been as much Caius's fault as it had been his.

So what if Etro had changed the future by saving the doomed l'Cie from an eternity in crystal? So what if she had warped reality to her will? Yes, Yeul had suffered for that change but she had been happy just the same. If Caius hadn't acted on his twisted sense of justice…

Noel let out a breath and opened his eyes, the anger dissipating like mist.

No. This was no one's fault except for his. He hadn't been strong enough to stop Caius himself. He hadn't been strong enough to stop him from leaving the Dying World. Maybe it wouldn't have even mattered if he had; maybe that Caius had already committed the acts that were to happen. He had said that their future was his past after all, so perhaps he had only been there in the end of days to give Noel the push he needed…

He realized, of course, that if things hadn't turned out the way they had he would have never met her in the first place. If Etro hadn't intervened, if Caius hadn't lost him mind, if the timeline hadn't been put in jeopardy…he would have never have met her.

In his time, she had been dead for hundreds of years. Of course if his time was real or the result of some paradox he didn't know, but there had been no way for a human from her time to live long enough to reach his time. And even if they had, even if she had somehow found some way into the future on her own, things would have been different. She might have died along with everyone else, leaving him alone till his breath left his body. Or the years might have changed her, mutating her into someone else entirely.

He let out a little sniff, realizing the ridiculous statement his mind had just conjured. No, she would have not have changed. She was who she was and despite everything they had gone through her kind nature had stayed the same. She'd opened up and discovered herself a bit more, becoming bold in her actions and deeds but she had still been herself through and through. Nothing could change that, ever.

But…it didn't matter anymore, whether she could change or not, whether she would have always been the same.

His hand dropped back to the face it had been caressing and rested there against her cheek, his eyes softening.

No, it didn't matter. Nothing did. The timeline was always in a state of flux with its many paradoxes and alternate endings. It was maddening in its complexity and confusing in its simplicity. It was not something to be understood by mortals or even immortals that were not of a divine nature.

"…_thank you…"_

Noel's eyes widened and he looked about, his heart suddenly in his throat. He opened his mouth to call her name, to ask if she was alright, but was unable to find the words.

"…_thank you…"_

The words came to him on the wind, taunting him, teasing him. It was her voice, he knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, but he also knew that it was impossible to be her because she was lying dead in his arms.

"…_thank you…"_

He gritted his teeth and bent over her further, a new hatred, a hatred for himself, rising within him.

She had thanked him at the end, her eyes sad and knowing it seemed almost upon reflection, and then she had died. He had reached out for her, his cries of "NO!" not reaching whoever it was that had answered his prayers before. He had asked for her not to be taken, had begged for her not to go. He had silently prayed during all their time together that for once in his life—just once!—he'd be able to do something right, to protect someone he cared about. But no, life was a cruel joke played upon him; he could ask and receive but at the end of the line he would be punished for his selfishness and desires.

She shouldn't have thanked him. It should have been him thanking her, it should have been him telling her that she saved him from the abyss, had called him up out of the depths of despair. All he had wanted to do was repay her for her cheerfulness, for her goodness, and he had failed.

The cool air whipped around him in a violent manner, cutting into his exposed skin. He could hear voices over the intercom but he ignored them all; nothing mattered anymore.

He wanted to press the restart button, he wanted to go back and do things over. He was a time traveler, couldn't he do something to stop her, to save her? Couldn't he find a gate and cast himself back into the past and make her give up her quest to save the future that killed her?

No, he couldn't.

Even if he could find such a gate, even if he could go back and try to stop her like he'd done once before, she'd still refuse. She'd still accept the consequences of her actions and bear the burden of knowing that her death might be right around the corner, that her next breath may be her last. She'd still go on, still fight to her dying moment. She'd never give up, ever.

He didn't understand where it was that she got the strength that fueled her. From what she'd told him and from what he'd been able to pick up from stories told by others around them, she'd lived a life submersed in tragedy. Her parents had died, she had become a l'Cie, she had dreamed endless dreams while imprisoned in crystal, she had been abandoned by all that she loved…he didn't know why she hadn't allowed such events to mar her soul, to claim the inner light that was hers and shroud her in darkness.

She deserved to be selfish, deserved to put herself before others for a change. She deserved to be happy and that was all he had wanted her to be; happy and safe and _alive_. And yet, she was none of those things. Her last look had been one of horror; the future had not been a pleasant one, despite their best efforts. Everything they had done had been in vain and she had wasted her precious life fighting for something that was never to be.

And it was all his fault.

Noel sucked in a heavy breath, suppressing his sobs.

The chaos was spreading, growing, distorting. The bells were tolling, the world was collapsing. Life and death were ending, everything was halting. What was once bright and hopeful was twisted with despair and the hopelessness that came with a tomorrow that was never to come. The world would stand still, preserved for all eternity. There would be nothing anymore, no past, no present, no future. It was all becoming one, becoming what Caius had wanted.

And it was all Noel's fault.


End file.
